Change can be hard. You might think it’s just about trying something new, but there’s more going on beneath the surface. Many times, what really makes change difficult is how it affects our sense of identity.

What Is Identity, Really?

Your identity is how you see yourself. It includes what you believe, your values, how you act, and the roles you play in life. You didn’t wake up one day and choose your identity; it formed over time. You picked up ideas and habits from your family, your culture, school, and even the media.

Why We Feel Safe in Our Identity

Even if we don’t realize it, identity gives us a feeling of safety. It helps us know who we are and where we belong. So when something comes along that challenges that identity, it can feel scary. It’s like your brain says, “Hold up, am I still me?”

This is why identity and change can feel like a tug-of-war. Change asks us to become someone new, but our identity wants to stay the same to feel secure.

When Identity Feels Threatened

When people resist change, it’s often because they feel like their identity is being attacked. They might not say it out loud, but they think, “If I change this part of me, who will I be?” That fear can make them avoid change, get defensive, or even fight it.

For example, if someone sees themselves as a strong leader, but gets feedback that they need to listen more, that feedback can feel like a threat. It’s not just about a new skill, it’s about how they see themselves.

How Belonging Affects Our Response

Our need to belong is powerful. Long ago, being part of a group meant survival. That’s still wired into our brains. So if change makes us feel like we won’t belong anymore, at work, in our family, or with friends, our brain might react like we’re in danger. This can keep us stuck, even if the change could be good for us.

Growing Without Losing Yourself

Here’s the good news: your identity isn’t stuck. You can grow and change while keeping what matters most to you. It’s not about throwing everything away. It’s about adding new layers that help you become more of who you really are.

To help with that, ask yourself:

• Where in my life does change feel hard?

• Am I afraid of losing something if I change?

• Can I grow without giving up the parts of me that matter?

• What support do I need to feel safe while I grow?

Final Thoughts on Identity and Trust

Understanding the link between identity and change helps you face new things without fear. You’ll be able to listen better, respond instead of react, and build stronger connections with others.

Change doesn’t have to be scary. You can change and still be you, maybe even a better version of you.

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Hosted by: Dr. Maiysha Clairborne

Communication is the foundation of everything and everything happens in communication. If you’re ready to take your communication to the next level, our Communication That Transforms course dives deep into creating psychological safety, handling crucial conversations, navigating conflict, and cultivating trust in a way that truly leaves the people in your life feeling seen, heard, respected and valued. It will transform how you lead and how you show up in all of your relationships . Learn more and register at www.mindremappingacademy.com/ticc. If you are a leader and your employees or teams are struggling with team dynamics, consider taking them through our new “Communications That Transforms” group cohort.

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