In This week’s Mind ReMapping Moment, we talk about how our listening drives our response and behavior.
Listening is the first opportunity for us to refine the potential for our responses and reactions.
Oftentimes when we listen in a binary manner, we tend to listen in order to agree or disagree, validate or invalidate as well as listening for what’s good or bad and this leads us to miss a lot from the communication.
We’re always filtering information through our own personal experiences, our beliefs, our values, our upbringing and since we’re always filtering information in this way that gives us the emotion, that gives us our internal dialogue, our self-talk, and that’s what we respond from.
We can’t change our upbringing but we can begin to manipulate our beliefs, our values, expand our beliefs, expand our values, expand our sense of self-identity, expand our sense of purpose this then expands our capacity to be flexible in communication.
There are three positions of listening: listening through your own eyes, listening through the other person’s eyes, and then listening from an observer point of view.
We often only listen for the pause because we’re listening to respond, to judge, to assess, to invalidate or validate and so when we are listening to understand we’re leaning in and so it allows us to really expand that listening and that takes practice, patience and self-compassion.
When people are complaining about something, the first complaint is never the real reason, if you expand your listening and become more curious, lean in and ask questions you will realize that the main concern is beneath the first complaint, so it’s important to fine tune your listening to catch the real concern.
While listening, always remember that we all have different models of the world and it’s important to realize that we speak from these models, therefore be open and curious while listening in order to get the bigger picture.
Despite what most people realize, it’s the unconscious mind that runs us. But how is that so? Get your first primer in 15 minutes! Follow and Share these pearls with others.
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Timestamps:
00:45 – Listening as an opportunity to understand others better
01:43 – How we filter information
02:35 – The filters we can change and filters we can’t change
03:20 – How to be flexible in your conversations
04:15 – My experience with an organization
05:17 – The three positions of listening
06:05 – Curiosity through asking questions to get other people’s perspective
07:55 – The importance of the pause in a conversation
08:30 – How our brains make meaning always
10:00 – Fine-tuning your listening to get the real concern in order to deal with the real issue
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Hosted by: Dr. Maiysha Clairborne
Check out my TEDx talk https://youtu.be/iOboT5uRhXU
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