Importance of Emotional Intelligence in Communication

Emotional intelligence is when one has the capacity and awareness to identify, honor, regulate, and effectively communicate their emotional experience at any given time. When we think about the elements of emotional intelligence, it begins with emotional awareness. Recognizing that you are having an emotion is like recognizing hunger. There are often sensations in the body that indicate something is going on internally. The value of just recognizing that you are feeling emotions can help you know the next right action to take. Along with emotional awareness is emotional honesty. Some people grow up receiving the message that it is not okay to have certain emotions. This can lead to ignoring our emotions over time and is unhealthy. Essentially ignoring emotions can lead to harmful expression of emotion in communication later. When we are able to recognize emotions it gives us access to naming them (emotional literacy). The earlier you can label the emotion the earlier you can begin to emotionally regulate. Often people jump from feeling the emotion to raw unfiltered communication. Much of the violence that happens between people (and in the world) today is a result of an inability to emotionally regulate. Emotional regulation is arguably one of the most important skills of emotional intelligence. It gives people the pause needed to formulate the words that effectively communicate the problem at hand. Emotional regulation is the action or actions we take to calm the intensity of emotional experience so that we can return to our thinking brain. Emotional regulation can help you to know the next right thing to do…whether it is to pause before you speak, set a boundary, or take care of yourself and remove yourself from the situation. Emotional regulation can look like taking deep breaths, listening to music, taking a walk, or walking away. Emotional regulation is a skill that must be practiced.

When we can become aware of what you’re feeling, and honestly name it (at least to yourself), and when you are able to emotionally regulate yourself enough to return to your thinking brain, then it is easier communicate what’s going on with you. What is the importance of emotional intelligence in communication?

Emotional intelligence helps us to be able to:

 Resolve conflict more easily: EQi allows us to navigate conflicts with empathy and tact, leading to more constructive outcomes and reduced relationship tension.
 Decision-Making: People with strong emotional intelligence are better balancing facts and emotions in their decision making which helps them make decisions that lead to better outcomes.
 Creating psychological safety in our relationships: Imagine being a parent creating a safe space for your children to come to you when they are hurting, or having a problem. Imagine creating a safe space for your spouse that allows for deeper intimacy. Imagine the type of creativity and collaboration that can happen when teams have safe spaces to interact and create.

Emotional intelligence also aligns with non-violent communication practices:

 Empathy and Sensitivity are at the foundation of non-violent communication: People with high EQ are more attuned to the emotions and needs of their team members, making them better equipped to provide support to those who may have experienced trauma.
 Brave Spaces: When people lead with emotional intelligence, they create environments where people feel safe to be brave and share their experiences and concerns without fear of judgment or retaliation.
 Avoid Activators: When we understand our own activators and stressors we are more likely to avoid those land mines for ourselves and be more aware of potentially activating the traumas of others.