I saw a post in my feed that read, “Sometimes it hurts too much to feel.”
The very next post spoke about the “privilege of turning off one’s feelings,” followed by a strong “how dare you” sentiment.

While I understood the context and the intended audience, one thing stood out immediately. It failed to account for the complexity of trauma. For many people experiencing trauma, turning off feelings is not a privilege. It is not a choice. It is an involuntary trauma response.

Trauma Is Experienced Through Lived and Ancestral Context

As a Black woman, I experience witnessing this suffering differently than my white counterparts. My response is layered with ancestral trauma, lived racial trauma, and the cumulative emotional labor of working as a DEI and anti-racism educator.

Watching an oppressed group of people experience mass harm does not land in a vacuum. It lands in the body, in history, and in memory.

I know I am not alone in this experience.

Trauma Responses Are Not Chosen

Trauma responses vary. Some people confront, some freeze, some experience deep fatigue. Others flee or avoid entirely.

None of these responses are moral failures. They are nervous system strategies for survival.

As an activist, I deeply understand the responsibility to speak up, to stand for those who cannot stand for themselves, and to hold systems accountable. As a trauma-informed educator, I also understand that the human response to trauma is complex.

We must learn to hold the “both/and.”

We can call people in or call them out while still allowing space for individuals to regulate, orient, and move through their initial trauma responses.

The Danger of Shaming Trauma Responses

When we fail to hold space for trauma’s complexity, we risk re-traumatization.
When we shame people for their trauma responses, we create environments where people no longer feel safe to speak at all.

Silence does not always mean indifference. It does not always mean complicity. Sometimes it means overwhelm. Sometimes it means shutdown, sometimes it means survival.

That does not absolve responsibility, but it does demand discernment.

Fatigue Is Also a Signal

I want to name this clearly. I am fatigued.

My ability to share publicly is constrained by emotional bandwidth and the cognitive dissonance that comes from holding personal trauma, collective Black trauma, and the vicarious trauma of witnessing global harm.

I am not everyone. But I am not alone.

Trauma looks different in different bodies.

Conclusion

If you are doing the work and feeling exhausted, please hear this. You are allowed to rest. You cannot create meaningful impact if you are burned out beyond repair.

And to those observing others’ silence or withdrawal, consider the complexity of trauma. Offer grace without abandoning accountability.

Because when we misunderstand trauma responses, we do not create justice. We create fear.

And fear is the most dangerous environment of all.

—

Dr. Maiysha Clairborne is a physician consultant, coach, speaker, and trainer focused on helping organizations cultivate trust and psychological safety through trauma-informed communication using the R.E.M.A.P Framework™

Learn more about Dr. Clairborne at www.mindremappingacademy.com 

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